I like to keep the tone of my blog rather fun and lighthearted; a place to find me in colorful outfits, or talking about my favorite nail polish or new purchases.
Despite the fact that I post pictures of me posing around in various ensembles, I am actually a pretty private person and anyone who is close to me knows this.
Although I probably haven’t met most of you, you have all grown with me in a sense since I launched the blog over a year ago.
That being said, I feel it’s only fair to share something that has been going on in my life which isn’t so ‘fun’ or ‘pretty’, but sadly is reality — a reality that we all eventually face sooner than later.
On December 5th, 2012, my family and I received devastating news.
My dad was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer and was given 3-6 months to live.
The news came as a shock to my family, friends and anyone who knew or was close to my dad.
For those of you who read my blog, you may recall me occasionally making reference to my parents — usually when I wear something “too short” or “too tight” (they both always gave their 2 cents…parents).
Sadly, on January 3rd, 2013, my dad lost his battle to cancer, less than one month after being diagnosed.
Fearless would be a great word to describe my dad. He was a man with a real entrepreneurial spirit who somehow found success in every field he entered. In his 63 years, my dad was a professional football player, a real estate broker, a pastor (yes, I am a preacher’s kid), a chaplain…
My dad helped and touched the lives of so many people during his time on earth…something I didn’t actually realize until I started meeting the hundreds of individuals over the past few weeks who shared their stories with my brother and I.
Although we may not have always seen eye-to-eye, I can’t ignore the fact that my dad was someone who always followed his dreams. If we ever did butt heads, it was simply because we were too much alike.
My dad always wanted me to follow my passion and to do what I was good at and enjoyed — to him, I was good at many things, especially things relating to clothing.
It’s difficult seeing the value in your parents advice, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how much I learned from him and how much he has taught me indirectly.
My dad was so excited and proud of me when I first launched my blog. He would check the site everyday with my mom to see what I had to say, what I was wearing, or just to see what was new. I never understood what there was to be proud of yet, but he was just happy to see me doing something I truly enjoyed and to see that other people enjoyed it as well.
It’s difficult knowing my dad will never log back on to see what I have to say, watch me raise a family or see me grow up and find real success in my own lifetime; it is especially difficult knowing I will never see him again.
I always thought, I’m sure like many of us do, that both of my parents would always be there until they grew old; the thought of anything happening to either one of them earlier on wouldn’t make sense. Unfortunately, we don’t really know what’s in the cards for us and each moment really is a blessing.
As sad as these last weeks have been for my family and I, I’m grateful that I had the chance to spend his last moments with him, including Christmas and New Years. Although he lost his ability to speak, read and write closer to the end, he would smile often, letting us know that he was as happy as he could be in the state he was in.
I’m sure it will be years before the feeling of absence ceases…although I’m sure it will never disappear.
Like everything else, life continues on and I will have to find a way to as well.
I will continue to pursue my dreams and do what makes me happy, as that is what he would want for me.
I’m fortunate to have many great memories of our time together, and I find peace and comfort in knowing that all the people he helped have special moments to cherish as well.
I Love You Forever